Today was a tough day. I ran 5 miles in the morning, biked for 30 mins, and rowed for 20. My company laid off ~300 people last week. I knew it was going to happen, and it happened. The office today seemed like the silence after a storm. I’m going back to work “officially” on Wednesday, but I couldn’t help myself from working on a DDoS + Cache solution we’ve built and had to add a few finishing touches. I wanted to check out from reality, and this seemed like a good distraction.

I’ve always loved the thrill of problem-solving and the satisfaction of a job well done.

But today was different. During my long vacation, I also spent time working on a research project, and it hit me hard. The study focused on the long-term effects of microgravity on human physiology, and the results were not good. Seeing how microgravity can cause such significant changes to our bodies was a reality check, and it made me question if I am even cut out for this line of work. I am really fit – NOW. But it will be harder to do that as I age in the coming years.

I always thought that being an astronaut would be one of the most exciting and fulfilling careers, but now I wonder if it’s worth the risk. The dangers of space travel are well documented, but seeing its impact on our bodies was a wake-up call. It’s easy to get caught up in the thrill of adventure, but at what cost? It’s too late to back out now. In for a penny, in for a pound was my motto. For the better or worse.

I have swimming training soon but I’m gonna go and pick up my race bib for Feb 12th where I attempt to cross in the “B” carrol. I have to run a Sub 7 min mile for 4 straight miles. It def can be done.

I can’t help but think about how many more sacrifices I’ll have to make. The long hours, the isolation, the danger. But then I also think about the thrill of exploring new frontiers and being a part of something bigger than myself.

I hope that in the end, I’ll have the courage to follow my heart and do what’s best for me.