Love is a complex and powerful emotion that has the ability to make us feel alive, happy, and fulfilled. It is a fundamental aspect of human life and relationships, and it is something that we all crave and desire.

Love comes with the risk of hurt and heartbreak. Despite this risk, we still pursue it because the rewards can be significant. It can bring us joy, companionship, and a sense of purpose and belonging. As a poet once said, “Heartbreak is our greatest teacher, and if so, thank you for making me wise.”

At the heart of our desire for love is the need for connection with others. We are social beings, and we thrive on human interaction and relationships. Love provides a deep and meaningful connection with another person, which can be incredibly fulfilling.

However, pursuing love can also be fraught with uncertainty and fear. We worry about being vulnerable, about being hurt, and about exposing our true selves to another person. But despite these fears, we still find the courage to pursue love because the rewards are worth the risks. So, why do we keep going back to love, even after we have been hurt? It is because we are wired to seek connection with others, and love is one of the most potent forms of connection. Even if we have been hurt before, we still believe in the power of love to bring us joy and fulfillment.

Love can be a powerful force, but it can also be painful. It is a force that can bring us great joy and fulfillment, but it can also be accompanied by pain and heartbreak. Despite the risks, we continue to pursue love because of its transformative power and its ability to connect us with others in deep and meaningful ways.

But as of now, all I can say is never again. No Love. No People. Just books. As the saying goes, “Not my circus, not my monkey.” I’m not getting hooked. I study to learn so that I can avoid the circus. But I do miss having someone out there. Someone worth watching. A puzzle worth solving.

I’ve tried to branch out, to find new connections, but it rarely works out. It is very interesting to think about because people who are used to me or hang out with me every day find me the most chilled, joyful, and someone who has a rock-solid sense of humor. While on the other hand, strangers find me very intense. I still have a hard time connecting with people who don’t see the world eye to eye, and maybe most of my friends lie in the age group of 40-50+.

Maybe I’m too focused on my ambition, training, and studies, or maybe I don’t know how to connect with people anymore. Either way, I rarely shake the feeling that I’m missing out on something important. Still, I know that I’m doing what I need to do. The world is a complicated place, and knowledge is the only weapon I have to navigate it. Maybe someday I’ll find someone worth returning to, someone, who understands the importance of learning and growth. But for now, I’ll keep my head down and my eyes on the page. The puzzle may be worth solving, but it’s not worth sacrificing my own growth for.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, devoting so much time and energy to my ambitions. But then I remember why I started down this path in the first place & wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to make a difference, to leave my mark on the world in some small way. Make no mistakes, I’ve done more than my fair share, but it’s hard to grasp that the world is much bigger than a single individual. And I know that the only way to do that is to keep learning, to keep pushing myself beyond my limits.

So I’ll keep reading, studying, training, and searching for that elusive balance between my books and the real world. Maybe someday I’ll find it, or maybe it will find me. Either way, I know I’ll keep moving forward, one page at a time.