May 20th, 12:51 am. I took yesterday (Thu) & today (Fri) off from work. There was a timeline for some work &, but I managed to finish the task, which estimated more than a week in a few hours. So hence the time off to detox. I’ve also completed 4/5 courses for the EMT course, which starts on June 2nd. I plan to run the Brooklyn half marathon tomorrow too. Things are getting hectic now. My entire summer is packed to the teeth, even weekends. Unlike me, most people enjoy summer, take time off, go on vacations, and do not have weekends booked on their calendars. It’s just nuts.
I’ve started to put everything in the notes app for my schedule because it’s the only thing I look at constantly to see if I forget something or anything at all. I hope I manage to push through this summer. Honestly, I’m a bit scared with everything, but fear can be a good thing; it can keep you on your toes, but also have to make sure that it doesn’t consume the mind.
I genuinely have no idea how an ideal man in his mid 20’s lives his life. Anyone I talk to doesn’t even resemble close to me, and they end up talking completely offtopic. I wish I could ask someone, “Hey, so how do you spend your free time?”.
I still haven’t stopped thinking about what could’ve/should’ve happened or what I ended up doing wrong with the person going through health issues & I have no idea why I still care. But again, I have a history of having a heart of a golden retriever and getting burned often. But how can I let someone suffer knowing that I can help? I used to feel powerless earlier; now, things have changed, and it almost feels like a moral obligation to help those who need it, even if I didn’t get any when I needed it.
Truth be told, it’s hard to talk about everything with one person, space, time, physics, tech, engineering, biology, medicine, human anatomy, endurance, ambition, psychology, etc. I do have a few mentors that guide me on a topic or two mentioned above, but god, I wish I had a figure like Harrison wells in my life. It feels like finding a mentor like that or someone I can look up to is a far-fetched dream. It would be great to openly talk to someone about all that & someone who can push you to your true potential. Maybe it is a needle in a haystack problem, but the only way to solve that is to find a large magnet and hold it on top of the haystack. The needle will then come and stick to the magnet on its own. I guess it’s time to publish something huge?
My manager said I should be proud of quickly completing something in that duration, yet I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing; it felt like just another day in my life. There is so much more I could be doing, but the path is slow, and it cannot be hurried in any way. I know I’ve been told to tend to “feast or famine” on solving problems, but I felt that there was a whole world to be explored out there while I devised a solution for engineers. Hence, a figure like Harrison Wells could help me navigate obstacles and thoughts like these. It’s hard to talk to anyone about why I do what I do; there are specific topics I can talk about to certain individuals, but it’s just a singleton; everything else is stupid to them, which may not be the same to the next person.
Life has always been about growing from setbacks, learning, growing, facing failure, learning from mistakes & trying to make things right. And honestly, that’s what matters, trying. If we don’t try, we never push beyond what we know now. Just like HR said “We can never learn to fly without crashing a few times.” It is a scary world out there, people easily break trust, things change, situations change, but change can be a good thing from time to time. I guess we got to just believe that in the end, everything is going to be okay – even if it’s not. Acceptance is a powerful thing.
The road from Earth to the stars is not easy.