I am bored. I want to punch or shoot the wall. I AM BORED since I am on leave/rest/vacation due to my eye surgery. 

  • I’ve cleaned my house thrice.
  • Read books.
  • Cooked fancy food.
  • Work-out.
  • Volunteered at a local place.
  • Even delivered some random packages around the neighborhood (yes, boredom)

And also, today, I came to know that, to work in the library at a decent level, you need a master’s degree. Which I don’t think pays more than $30-35. huh. Like WHY?

I also wrote to the local library that I am willing to work for free, manage, lift, move, pack books, fix all their computers and stuff, or anything technical for free. I haven’t heard back from them yet. These were the exact words:

I’m open to anything. – Managing, moving, lifting, bagging books, etc. – I’m good with computers/systems. (Anything technical) Honestly, any work that’s pending that nobody wants to touch and can make the library’s life easier, I’m fairly open to it.

I guess I am not qualified enough to work there, even for free. I kicked the can around the streets of Hoboken for a few hours yesterday and entered a gift shop where I bought three books for my sister. I don’t care if she earns or makes a lot of money. I do care about the kind of person she becomes.

Also, I went to the office and cleared up the misunderstanding regarding my leave. So no one told me that the company gets paid a subsidy for employees with short-term disabilities. Asking me to change my leave a few hours before my surgery was still a bit uncanny in my books. Anyway, I’m glad we got that sorted, and I decided to go into the office and talk in person. The little microaggressions built over time, and I couldn’t take it anymore even if it was not intended; hence there was a massive miscommunication gap. Anyway, bygone be bygones.

Today in the evening, I dropped off the books at the store where papa decided to take me to the Sam’s Club store to change his mobile network plan. The young guy was very kind and talked to me for a while; while we were waiting, we had a small talk where he is taking his girlfriend to a weekend gateway to a chocolate and wine place. He helped me open the location on google maps and shared some stuff; well, what can I say? His girlfriend lucked out. I don’t see guys being this thoughtful about dates nowadays. It’s usually some bar or eatery. I bet the guy wouldn’t be more than 22 but was mature enough to plan something meaningful and expressive. 

And in that conversation, he happened to ask me if I had a girlfriend, which made me go blank for 5 seconds. Because now that I think, the answer is much more complicated than `it’s complicated.`

  • My career/work-life are vital to me.
  • Which somewhat makes my social/personal life nonexistent.
  • Except for some very close friends and family.
  • I will not put on a show of witticism and alacrity for a stranger on the app
  • Because I am not a puppet or a comedian to “prove” my worthiness to strangers.
  • That’s reserved for important dinners/events because at least I’m paid for it.
  • I hate entitlement to my bones.
  • Respect goes both ways. In this time and generation, it’s found in very few.

My morals, ethics, and self-respect stop me from basically selling myself to someone. Because people forget the most important aspects of relationships, it takes two people, not one. If you hate yourself / are unhappy / are insecure, nobody else can fix that for you. Relationships are about finding someone who similarly sees the world as you do; nothing else matters. Not age, race, status-quo, education, etc. I wish people understood that a relationship is not a game that ends with someone always being right, a relationship is about mutual understanding, compromise, and showing some flexibility.

I am jealous of the few who manage to find that; how can I not be. Everyone deserves to be happy; I’m human too. But most of all, I am jealous of the old couples that I find around me or anywhere I go. Those are real-life goals, not exotic vacations or foods. Those experiences will eventually be forgotten. What will remain is the memories you create with your loved ones. That is what gives life meaning; that it is short; that it ends; and that eventually, everything that has a beginning – has an end. 

Since my company acquired another company, the team will be divided into three parts with other company members. There is just one team I want to be on; the rest of the team is not even my backups. But I had to put three choices, so that’s where it got me.

But anyway, I hate this feeling of not doing anything. I want to throw my head through a wall.

Got a 4M race this Sunday. I’ve moved my start section from F to E in the half marathon; gotta move it to D now by running each mile sub-8. It’s gonna be hard with all my injuries but not impossible.